“Do you know what the sandwich generation is,” I asked my husband randomly one day.
”Isn’t that a group of people who really like sandwiches,” he said with a smirk.
At first, I thought he was being his usual jokester-self, forever seizing the opportunity for a quick Dad joke. But when his pause and questioning glance registered, I realized he was serious. Since I’m a sandwich generationer, I was surprised he hadn’t heard the term.
So, for those of you squished here with me, or if you need a frame of reference other than actual sandwiches, here’s a recap and a few quick things we can do to support ourselves in this phase of life.
What does it mean to be in the Sandwich Generation?
According to the Pew Research Center, the sandwich generation refers to adults who are “sandwiched” between caring for their own children and providing care/financial support for an aging parent. If you’re navigating caregiving for your children plus your parents, you know how this feels. Your mental load carries more than school schedules and meal prep for your kids, because this labor extends to your parents as well. This can look like chauffeuring, making doctor appointments, and/or keeping track of bills.
Studies show sandwiched caregivers report higher emotional difficulties (44%) compared to non-sandwich adults. This can be a space filled with decision fatigue and overwhelm.
For me, after my father passed away unexpectedly, I was thrust into looking after my mom in ways my father had. While I always expected to care for my parents as they aged, I didn’t know it would be while raising my young son, too.
Sandwich Generation Stress Tips
1. Ask for help
This can be hard for many reasons but asking for support can lighten your mental load and lessen pressure. This can look like asking your partner for a break, a trusted family friend for a ride for your parent, or texting a relative to see if they can step in. Even a small shift like someone making phone calls for you can give you a break from the mounting invisible load.
2. Set clear boundaries
Be honest with yourself when it comes to defining how you’re able to help. Setting limits like when you’re available or what you can realistically assist with keeps you from running on empty. Setting boundaries with family (especially parents) can be tough, and it can feel impossible to say no. But keep in mind that honesty reduces resentment before it builds and can free up space for you to continue to help out.
3. Don’t forget self-care
This term is thrown around quite a lot, but it still holds true. Find activities or relaxing practices that can support you in recharging. Roughly 40% of caregivers rarely feel relaxed, so try walking outside in nature, reading, or journaling—anything that leaves you feeling more grounded then when you started. Finding time can be last on your to-do list, but it creates the space you need to stay centered and emotionally available to everyone else.
Supporting your sandwiched self
Remembering to care for yourself while also caring for your family lessens overwhelm and creates a more sustainable rhythm. Reach out when necessary–and seek help from professionals like a therapist or group to create a dependable support system. This makes it possible to keep showing up for those you love—and feel less squished.
